The guilt cycle

Honestly, I believe that guilt is one of the many side effects of estrogen.

Many of us berate our own mothers for the guilt trips they bestow on us, but we don’t need their help—we do just fine creating our own guilt complexes, thank you.

For me, it started in January, when I took on a new job. I am a freelance writer who works from home, and I landed a new gig as the editor of a quarterly magazine based out of Janesville. It’s a wonderful opportunity for me, but it means that I am working about twice as much as I was before. Tyler, who is 2, is not impressed by my need to be on the phone and the computer more often. He responds by choosing to be his most obnoxious and disobedient self when I am on the phone. Or, as I am fervently writing and editing to meet a deadline, he begs in that oh-so-cute voice, “Mommy, please play with me!”

Could you resist a “please” without feeling like a shrew?

Then, two weeks ago, I came down with what one healthcare professional called “the crud”—a hacking cough and terrible chest congestion. For a good portion of last week, I was miserably lying on my couch with my eyes closed while Tyler crawled on top of me pleading, “Mommy, please wake up! The sun is up!”

I think perhaps the guilt stems from some misguided notion I have of the “perfect mom.” You know—the one who spends all day reading stories, creating crafts, playing with toys and making up games. She doesn’t get sick or have any work to do because…well, she’s perfect. She instead focuses every bit of her energy on her child.

Not one of us is even close to the perfect mom. So instead of concentrating on what we’re NOT giving our children, we have to instead think about what we ARE giving them. In my case, though I am sometimes working or sick, I still am providing for Tyler’s basic needs, giving him love and attention and teaching him new things every day. I think that counts for something, don’t you?

So goodbye, guilt!

--Beth