All I wanted was a chance to pretend like I was 20 again.
My husband and I are attending my 10-year college class reunion at Valparaiso University’s Homecoming next weekend in Northwest Indiana. I have been delighted to hear that many of my closest friends from college will also be attending. I could just picture it: All of us sitting around, reminiscing about old times, laughing about how naïve we were back in the day.
Long ago we booked my parents, who live in the Chicago area, to sit for Tyler. I plan on having fun during this one-day journey into my past, and chasing a very active toddler around a university campus is not my idea of fun. Plus, Tyler’s very early bedtime (6 p.m.) would mean that either my husband (also a Valpo alum) or I would miss the Young Alumni Reunion at a local bar on Saturday night. No thanks.
So I was bummed to hear that several of my college friends are, indeed, bringing their young children and babies to the reunion. So much for reliving our youth. While Mark and I will be blissfully gallivanting around town (well, if you call staying out past 6 “gallivanting”), our friends will be busy with their children.
Of course, their reasons are completely understandable. One pair of friends will be toting along a 2-month-old who, of course, is nursing constantly. Another couple will be bringing their 9-month-old twins because they, too, are still nursing. And I’m sure babysitters aren’t easy to come by for some of my other friends.
I guess it just hadn’t occurred to me that our 10-year reunion would be more of a family occasion. I have to admit that I relish opportunities to get breaks from my son. Of course, I love being around him; I just love my “not-a-mom” time, too. My husband and I are youth group leaders at our church, and the other leaders always laugh when I breathe a sigh of relief every time I’m at a function without Tyler. It’s fun being just me for a change!
That’s what I love about Mothers & More events—the “me” time. It’s so nice to sit down at a game night, sip a glass of wine and feel like an adult again. I can have discussions with adults about adult topics—not discussions with a toddler about why it’s not a good idea for him to watch Dora the Explorer all day long.
I’m especially looking forward to some meaningful adult discussion at Tuesday’s open house—“Navigating Through ‘Mommy Politics’ in a World Where Everyone Parents Differently,” from 7-9 p.m. at St. John Vianney in Brookfield. I’ll see you there!
--Beth
Monday, September 20, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Nature vs. nurture
Do you ever worry you’re going to mess your kids up for life?
My husband and I recently took a four-week Love & Logic class at Parents Place in Waukesha (a non-profit resource for parents that I initially learned about through a few Mothers & More members). As our son Tyler is not quite 2, most of the discipline techniques we learned in the class will be more applicable for the future, rather than right now. However, as I listened to the other class participants talk about their unique challenges with their children, I couldn’t help but wonder (yes, I’m channeling Carrie Bradshaw): At what point are our parenting challenges “our issues,” and at what point are they simply about the luck of the draw?
Or, put another way, how do we know whether our children’s issues are more nature or nurture?
The repeating refrain of virtually all baby books is that all babies are different; we must remember that what works for one child may not work for the next. Except, I’ve always wondered when the “shift” from nature to nurture occurs. Is it when they become a toddler? Or when they begin talking in sentences? What about when they begin school and suddenly become subject to the influence of other adults and children?
Love & Logic is all about encouraging children to make good choices. But what happens when you have a child who seems predisposed to make bad choices? Is that the parent’s fault? Is there a point at which a parent throws his or her hands in the air and declares that a child is simply a “bad egg?” I hope not.
I honestly don’t know the answers to any of these questions. I do know that since I joined Mothers & More, I’ve had exposure to a wide, wide variety of parenting techniques, and I’m grateful for it. I feel like I’m doing my son a disservice if I choose just one parenting philosophy such as Love & Logic, SuperNanny, or any of the other parenting “experts.” My parenting, I think, is going to be a hodge-podge of a variety of sources.
Will I mess Tyler up? Or will my husband and I be the ones responsible for turning him into the most upstanding citizen this country has ever seen? Neither, I’m thinking. It’s probably best for me to just worry about each day as it comes and let the future work itself out.
--Beth
My husband and I recently took a four-week Love & Logic class at Parents Place in Waukesha (a non-profit resource for parents that I initially learned about through a few Mothers & More members). As our son Tyler is not quite 2, most of the discipline techniques we learned in the class will be more applicable for the future, rather than right now. However, as I listened to the other class participants talk about their unique challenges with their children, I couldn’t help but wonder (yes, I’m channeling Carrie Bradshaw): At what point are our parenting challenges “our issues,” and at what point are they simply about the luck of the draw?
Or, put another way, how do we know whether our children’s issues are more nature or nurture?
The repeating refrain of virtually all baby books is that all babies are different; we must remember that what works for one child may not work for the next. Except, I’ve always wondered when the “shift” from nature to nurture occurs. Is it when they become a toddler? Or when they begin talking in sentences? What about when they begin school and suddenly become subject to the influence of other adults and children?
Love & Logic is all about encouraging children to make good choices. But what happens when you have a child who seems predisposed to make bad choices? Is that the parent’s fault? Is there a point at which a parent throws his or her hands in the air and declares that a child is simply a “bad egg?” I hope not.
I honestly don’t know the answers to any of these questions. I do know that since I joined Mothers & More, I’ve had exposure to a wide, wide variety of parenting techniques, and I’m grateful for it. I feel like I’m doing my son a disservice if I choose just one parenting philosophy such as Love & Logic, SuperNanny, or any of the other parenting “experts.” My parenting, I think, is going to be a hodge-podge of a variety of sources.
Will I mess Tyler up? Or will my husband and I be the ones responsible for turning him into the most upstanding citizen this country has ever seen? Neither, I’m thinking. It’s probably best for me to just worry about each day as it comes and let the future work itself out.
--Beth
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