Different is good

Do you ever attend a Mothers & More event and feel like a complete outsider? Do you feel like everyone already knows each other and you just don’t fit in? Maybe you are afraid to mingle because if people knew the real “you” they might reject you.

When I first joined Mothers & More, I felt like I was in high school again trying to find my way. I don’t fit the average Mothers & More demographic. I am in my early 40s and I have been divorced and remarried. My husband is turning 50 next year and I have 5 kids.

After I got remarried, I left my career when I became pregnant again. All of my peers were in midlife careers. They had older kids. They were very much beyond the baby stage. So, I needed to find new friends that could help me through the baby stages again. When I attended my first Mothers & More event, I felt so lost. Everyone seemed so young, fit and wealthy. I stayed a member but I didn’t attend many events.

Then, my husband lost his job and he was home all the time. Now, in my mind, I was even stranger because on top of all my other differences, I was now poor too. Could I be any different! Because I needed support and a place to “get away,” I decided to volunteer for the position of secretary. I needed to belong more than ever even if I was very different.

Because the board is a smaller group, I came out of my shell more easily than in a bigger setting. I found that everyone welcomed me with open arms. It was my own insecurities that created the feeling that I didn’t fit in. I might have a different family background but there were many things I had in common with other moms. We all have difficulties in our lives even if those situations aren’t the same. The important thing is that we are there for each other to listen and to lend a hand. Mothers & More is not just there for the happy, normal people, it is there for the rest of us too.

Being the secretary has been so fulfilling. It fits in great with my busy schedule. The board meetings are held late at night when most of the events for my 5 children are done. It is a welcome gift that I can give to myself. I can spend time in the company of other women to laugh and smile. For a few hours, I can forget about the difficulties of marriage, parenting and step parenting.

Even though we come from different worlds, we all want the same things out of life—love, happiness and a little “me” time. I have grown much more confident because I made an effort to fit in even though I didn’t fit the “norm."

So, if you are attending meetings but are feeling a little alone, different or just plain shy, please reach out and give some of your time. You could attend a special interest group, a play group or a Tuesday night meeting. You could volunteer to take on a board position. What you will get in return will be so much more than what you put into it.

We are all a bit different in our own ways and that is what makes our group so exquisite!! We need diversity in our group to keep changing and making ourselves and our group better and stronger.

--Chris

What a difference a year makes

Though I consider myself a social person, I’m not a huge fan of “unstructured” social activities. You know what I’m talking about—the kinds of events where you walk in a room, drink a little, eat a little, and…talk.

What do you talk about? Well, if the room is full of people you don’t know very well, you go through all your small talk gems—how many kids you have, what you do (or did) for a living, where you live, etc. While many people love “social hour,” to me, it’s a lot of work.

That’s why I decided not to go to the Mothers & More summer picnic two months after I joined the organization last year. I didn’t know many people and, frankly, I wasn’t up for it.

I hadn’t intended on becoming a board member right away, either. I figured becoming a leader in Mothers & More was best saved for when I had been around a couple of years. But I’m a sucker for begging, and when one of the board members sent out a general e-mail about a month after the picnic begging for new blood, I just couldn’t say no, with the caveat that “I don’t know very much about Mothers & More yet.” I became one of three Membership board members, regularly attending chapter meetings, greeting new members and taking part in chapter decisions.

Fast forward eight months. Not only was I present at the picnic, but I had volunteered for the planning committee. As I munched on my brat at the June 2010 event, I surveyed the room…and realized I knew nearly all of the 25-30 moms at the picnic. And I didn’t just know their names: I could tell you their kids’ approximate ages, their interests, their involvement in Mothers & More and, for a few of them, where they were in the potty training process. Throughout the picnic, I chatted easily with dozens of picnic-goers and had a genuinely good time.

I belonged. And it was because I had taken the initiative to become involved. It sounds like a tired cliché, but who knew that volunteering your time could be so rewarding?

Though my term as a board member ends in October, I will continue to serve in leadership positions within the organization because, honestly, I’m addicted!

--Beth